I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
