I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
