I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
