How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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