Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
