i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
