i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
