Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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