I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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