she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
