Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
