i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
