Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
