Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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