But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
try to milk me bitch
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