Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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