she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Even my vagina gasped.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
