i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
