She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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