i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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