I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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