I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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