I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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