make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
