JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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