dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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