My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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