when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
