how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
