If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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