tell your sister to shave her snatch
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
