Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
