I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
