YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize