i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
