I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
