I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
