Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
