I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
