Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
