my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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