How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
