are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
