his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
