chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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