What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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