plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
