i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
