Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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