I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
