just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
