im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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