he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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