Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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