K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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