I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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