I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
