Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
