I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
