I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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