I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
