I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
