fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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